44 Steps

10 weeks ago I was in a good place. I was physically fit AND enjoying it (what?!), it was wonderful. Then in the blink of an eye it was over. I shattered my ankle.

The diagnosis was a tri malleolar fracture and, as the doctor said, I needed a lot of force and a lot of bad luck to do that. MY ankle no longer exists. I have a plate and 11 screws holding it together. I am a cyborg. 

This was accomplished the week of my husband's family reunion, a week before my sister's wedding, and two weeks before international flights that would carry my family and me around the world.

During those weeks was the first time I had ever felt fear. True blue, soul sucking fear. I had been afraid before, had felt nervous, apprehensive, pick your synonym. But this fear was deep. 

I could not fathom how I was going to do this. I have three children. How can I be non weight bearing for 3 months? Let alone get through the next two weeks?


GOD, FAMILY, FRIENDS, STRANGERS. In that order we made it back to KZ in the wee hours of a Sunday morning. Not having the strength to make it to church that Sunday I stayed home and worshipped while Brett and the kids went on. As I lay on my bed and cried feeling sorry for myself I decided to listen to hymns and pray. I listened as the words "peace like a river" washed over my heart.

The next Sunday I joined the family for the commute to church (must faster now that I could not ride a bus and had to take a taxi). After crutching  to the entrance, I looked up. 4 flights of stairs. 44  steps. 

My darling husband carried my one year old up the stairs with my crutches and handed him off to a friend. He then came back down, put my arm over his shoulders and his arm around my waist. Then I jumped. And jumped. And jumped.


I have learned that God loves me and that I am never alone. He holds me and supports me and grants me strength to continue.

I do not climb alone. My husband is by my side, my friends and neighbors wait at the top helping with children and life.

I have learned I am even stronger than I thought. I can make my bed with one leg, I can vacuum on my knees, and wash dishes kneeling on the piano bench. I have learned that my strength doesn't even come from me.

I have learned that my children are brave. 


I have learned that others are jumping their own stairs. 

Many have already conquered 44.



For those who have 44 steps to climb, or 100. For those who have a broken ankle or a broken heart, keep going. Look up to God who will strengthen you, look out to your family, friends, and neighbors whose shoulders are there for you, and look in to yourself and find the peace in your soul. Then jump up.